How Can You?
by 2Padfoot00Moony7
Summary: []RemusXSirius[] They kissed last night... he was pushed away... so he gets himself a girlfriend...
1. Sirius POV

Title: How Can You? 

Warning: Slash. RemusXSirius. Very bad, crude humour.

I do not own Harry Potter and never will (much to my disappointment)

* * *

I watch as he wraps his arms around her waist and draws her closer to him.

I watch as he whispers in her ear and she giggles in delight.

I watch as he kisses her with his soft supple lips.

I sit across from them in the common room, pain throbbing in my body, my arms folded and my face frowning.

His first girl and he flaunts her in front of me, showing her off and enjoying the attention.

The quiet bookworm all over a girl in the common room.

He moves his hands down and she giggles uncontrollably as she slips a hand inside his shirt.

I can't stand it no more.

I get to my feet my face set and my eye's stormy.

I walk over to them and tap him on the shoulder, disrupting their kiss.

He looks at me expectantly and I feel my heart beating madly.

"Erm…I need help with some homework." it sounds so lame and I cringe inwardly.

He sighs a deep sigh before kissing his girl on the lips and shifting her from his lap.

I walk back to where I was sitting and pick up my stuff, James gives me a knowing look but he doesn't speak for which I am grateful.

I follow him up to the dorm where he sits on the edge of his bed and I sit next to him.

I turn to look him in the eye and open my mouth to speak but he beats me to it.

"What's this about?" his voice is soft and I play dumb.

"Homework" I try an innocent look but it doesn't work on him.

"Don't play dumb with me, you never do homework. _What's this about?" _he asks again and his eyes flash and I know he's not to be messed with.

"Last night." My voice is just a whisper but I know he heard me.

"What about it?"

"How can you?"

"How can I what?" I know he's playing me, he wants me to admit it.

"How can you kiss _her _after last night!" I refuse to say the name, my pride getting in the way.

"What about last night?" He's still playing with me, toying me, hurting me.

"You know." I tried to sound convincing but still his face remained impassive, he wants me to admit it. I give in. "Our kiss." Just saying it takes my breath away.

"Our kiss?" his voice is strangled.

"Yes. Our kiss." I say firmly and he makes a disbelieving noise.

"_I _kissed you. You pushed me away!" he says the thing I was dreading and the words rip into me.

"I know and I'm sorry." I know he won't forgive me.

"And?"

"My feelings -" but he cuts me off.

"You made your feelings pretty clear last night!" I could not ignore the hurt that was in his eyes and the pain that echoed in his voice and I wince.

"If that's what you want to think!" I did not want to get angry, to push him away even more, but I did. How could he be so blind?

"Yes it is what I think! I've finally found someone who likes me for me and you're already trying to ruin it!" We have both stood up and I can feel the adrenaline rushing through my body.

"Do you really want her though?" I try to sound concerned but I just sound jealous.

"Yes. Yes I do." he says it defiantly but I can see the uncertainty in his eyes.

"Go back to her then! Go back and drape yourself all over her! Go back and humiliate yourself!" My fists are clenched and my voice is raised.

"Why do you care? You're always in the common room snogging some girl!" he says it bitterly and I wince again.

I do not answer and he walks from the room, slamming the door behind him.

"I care because I love you." Nothing but empty air hears me.

* * *

Can you guess who?

I'm currently writing the other perspecitive :P


	2. Remus POV

This is Remus POV.

For the record I know exactly how Remus feels in this chapter and I'm debating wether or not to write a next chapter from Jame's POV.

Or maybe give it a happy ending.

* * *

I smile to myself as I watch him bend over his essay, scribble furiously and then look around grinning every few minutes.

I pick up my own quill and begin the long task of completing my own essay.

But I find myself distracted.

I look up and his grey eyes meet my amber.

Our eyes lock and I feel a jolt of electricity shoot up my spine.

He smiles maraud-ishly at me and I smile back.

He waves his hand playfully and I raise my eyebrows.

He grins again before returning to his essay.

I need to tell him.

I know I should.

But I know I can't.

I sigh and go back to day dreaming about him.

I sit and watch him over the dinner table, his smooth deep voice washing over me and his soft lips attracting me.

I sit and watch him in the common room, he's pretending to read to keep me happy. I watch as his brow furrows and he glances at James with a blank expression.

I laugh as he curses under his breath and tries to read again.

I laugh out loud at this, him and James turn to look at me, their eyes pleading.

"Fine. You can stop reading now." Truth be told I can't read myself but they don't need to know it.

I sit back on the sofa and a sudden dip announces his presence.

I turn to him, he raises his eyebrows before throwing a pillow on my knees and settling his head onto it.

My stomach lurches and I watch his mouth move as he talks non-stop to James.

Subconsciously I start to stroke his long black hair, electricity flowing through my fingertips.

He closes his eyes and hums softly and I see James looking at me funnily.

I frown questioningly at him but he merely shakes his head.

I return my attention to the boy laid on my knee.

I glance down at him then lean back in the chair and I shut my eyes briefly.

I must have fallen asleep because when I reopen my eyes the fire is dying and the common room deserted.

I blink tiredly and notice he's still on my knee.

I look down to him and his sharp silver eyes blink back.

I smile uncertainly as he slides himself up so he's sat next to me.

He puts an arm around my shoulder and leans against me.

"Carry me Remmy." His breath his hot against my ear and I shiver.

"S-sure." I stammer.

I slip one shaking hand underneath his knees and the other around his back.

He smiles happily at me as I lift him from the sofa with ease, thanking my werewolf strength.

His arms are slung around my neck, one hand tangled in the back of my hair.

My stomach is burning.

I hear his breathing even out and his heart beat normally.

I think he is asleep as I stagger up the stairs, my head in the clouds, savouring the warmth of his body.

I go to lay him gently on his bed but his grip tightens and he mumbles incoherently.

I frown and try to lay him down again.

"No Remmy. Yours." He mumbles softly and I sigh, walking over to my bed.

I drop him down gently and lay down next to him, too tired to be bothered with getting changed.

I close my eyes but sense I'm being watched.

My eyes snap open and the darkness is momentary as my eyes adjust and then I can see clearly.

I know my eyes are shining in the darkness as they always do and I see his grey eyes twinkle as I yawn.

I close my eyes to try and shut him out, to try and calm my heart beat.

But I can sense him.

Hear him.

Smell him.

My eyes snap open and my patience is going.

The urge to jump on him growing stronger.

My animal instincts taking over.

I curl my fists and look away from his eyes.

They snap straight back and I stare at his lips , slowly moving forward.

I'm only an inch away when I realize what I'm doing.

But all self control has gone.

I find myself staring into his puzzled eyes and I bite my lip.

I try to pull away but find myself drawn to him.

I clumsily press our lips together and for one breath-taking, wonderful, time-stopping moment he kisses me back.

Then suddenly he pushes me away and stares at me, wide eyed and gaping.

He wipes his mouth and shakes his head, he frowns at me and I look away; I don't want to take it back.

He shakes his head at me again, searching for words.

He doesn't know that I can hear his heart beat racing.

He doesn't know I can smell him sweating.

He doesn't know I can sense his emotion.

"No…I'm not…your not … are you?" He asks, his eyes wild and panicked. I nod slowly and his eyes widen more.

"But I don't fancy you." I can hear the defiance in his voice but I can tell he's lying.

I'm a werewolf for crying out loud.

He disappears onto his bed and I shut my eyes again.

"Shit."

[Break

That morning he dresses at top speed and leaves the dormitory just as I'm awaking.

My heart breaks.

He sits away from us at breakfast and point blank ignores me.

In potions he moves next to James and away from me.

In transfiguration he moves to the very front.

At lunch he grabs a sandwich and walks down to the lake where he sits with Lily and her friends, flirting non stop.

I watch as he slips an arm around a blonde's waist.

My stomach twists and my eyes flare.

I watch as he leans into her and presses his lips against hers.

I grip my sandwich tighter, turning it to pulp.

I bite my lip and rip my gaze away.

I start shaking.

I throw my sandwich away forcefully and stride from beneath the tree.

Peter squeaks and James sighs, his mind ticking, his eyes darting from me to Sirius.

I couldn't care less.

I storm back into the castle.

My mind reeling and fuzzy, my heart thumping.

He knew I was watching, he knew I was there.

He was rubbing my face in it.

He was getting himself a girl to prove to me.

Well two can play at that game.

I sit through DADA trying to convince myself that I don't fancy him.

But it doesn't work.

At dinner I sit next to Mary, I chat to her, I flirt with her.

I kiss her.

And she kisses me back.

I know he's watching me, I know he's shocked.

I hear his goblet fall.

I smell his confusion.

And I ignore it all.

In the common room I sit with Mary.

He sits and watches me, arms folded and frowning.

And I can't help but smile.

I watch from the corner of my eye as he climbs to his feet and storms over to me.

He taps me on the shoulder and I turn round and wait for him to speak.

He shuffles nervously and asks for help with his homework.

I sigh, knowing he's lying.

I shift Mary from my lap and stand and follow him.

I sit on the end of a bed and wait.

He goes to open his mouth but I cut him off. "What's this about?"

"Homework." he says it innocently but I roll my eyes.

"Don't play dumb with me, you never do homework. _What's this about?" _I ask again, more forcefully than I meant to and I see him flinch.

"Last night." He whispers and my heart leaps.

"What about it?" I say it coolly, I hope he's changed his mind, I hope he wants me, but I'm beginning to see that him and I are better off with other people.

"How can you?" He practically snarls and I know what he means, but I want him to admit it, I want him to admit that we kissed.

"How can I what?" I know he sees through me, he knows what I'm doing.

"How can you kiss _her _after last night?" He won't say her name and I smirk in satisfaction, glad he's feeling a fraction of what I do.

"What about last night?" I innocently ask again.

"You know." He gesticulates wildly and I look at him blankly. "Our Kiss." I see him smile as he says it.

"Our kiss!?" I practically snort. How can he call it that?

"Yes. Our kiss." I go to smile but the memory of him pushing me away floats into my mind.

"_I _kissed you. You pushed me away!" He winces and I can easily see the pain in his eyes.

I bite my lip, I love him and I know that.

But him and I just don't match.

I'm quiet, shy and a bookworm.

He's loud, outgoing and into drinking.

"I know and I'm sorry." I snort slightly and sudden anger flares inside me. He's a player and I don't want to get hurt any more.

"And?" I see the confusion wrote on his face at my icy tone.

"My feelings-" I realize I don't want to hear it, I don't want to hear him beg forgiveness, I don't want to hear him apologize. I don't deserve to get hurt again.

"You made your feelings pretty clear last night!" I know my eyes are shining with tears as I force myself to turn him down.

He stands up and looks at me wildly. "If that's what you want to think!" I glare at him.

"Yes it is what I think! I've finally found someone who likes me for me and you're already trying to ruin it!" I stand up too and clench my fists, my heart pumping. I can tell he's confused and angry but I know it's necessary.

He will never want me the same way I want him.

I just need to realize it.

"Do you really want her though?" He sounds jealous and my heart leaps again but I beat it down.

No. No I don't. "Yes. Yes I do." I know he can see the uncertainty in my eyes.

"Go back to her then! Go back and drape yourself all over her! Go back and humiliate yourself!" He shouts and the anger rises again.

"Why do you care!?" I shout back, the urge to kiss him growing again. I know I need to get out of there before my instincts take over, before I break my resolution.

He doesn't answer so I storm from the room, dying inside.

"I care because I love you." His voice is soft and quiet but I hear him clearly.

He doesn't know I heard him.

And it has to stay that way.

* * *

Poor Remus.

So... should I do another chapter either Jame's POV or happy ending or both? What do you think ?


	3. It Ends Now

**First off guys, I'm sorry but I tried writing James' POV and I really really really didn't like it. I love writing Remus' POV so this is Remus POV.**

**The final installment?**

**How Can You?**

Chapter 3

I threw myself into the chair and folded my arms crossly. Why did he have to hurt me?

James threw me a questioning glance but I merely scowled in his direction. He looked up to the stairs where Sirius was stood and understanding passed through his eyes.

I glanced up too and our eyes met.

Then they ghosted over me as if I wasn't even there.

My heart throbbed painfully and I looked away.

I was sick of being of hurt.

Sick of it.

James walked over to Sirius and whispered frantically in his ear, I saw Sirius shake his head slightly and then leave the Common Room without warning.

James rolled his eyes and walked back over to me.

"How can you?" He asked spitefully and I turn to him in surprise.

"How can I what?"

"He loves you! How can you not see that?"

"And you don't think I love him? He had his chance James. He had his chance and he blew it." I go back to staring into the fire and hear James walk away.

Mary says goodnight and I see Sirius re-enter from the corner of my eye.

I watch as Mary walks up to bed and James paces before he too climbs the stairs.

I love her.

I do.

But I know it's fruitless trying to tell myself something that isn't true.

I love him.

That's the truth. But me and him just don't match, but I can't get him from my mind.

I hear James approach and sense him stood watching me.

I do not bother to move and let him think I am asleep.

Ten minutes pass and still he does not move.

"What do you want James?" I ask tiredly, not bothering to open my eyes.

"H - how?" He asks and I shake my head, I've never explained completely what being a werewolf means; they've just accepted the fact that I know if someone is approaching.

He sits down on the rug in front of me. "I just wanted to talk to you about Sirius again" He says timidly and I bite my lip.

"What about him?" I say more viciously than I meant to and I see him flinch slightly.

"He told me about - about the other night." My stomach stumbles at his words.

"What about it?" I snarl, my mind and heart torn.

"He said… well he said that you two … er …. _kissed." _I snorted loudly.

"Did he tell you what he did?" I asked and James nodded.

"He is sorry -" James starts to say but I cut him off.

"I don't want to hear it James! I mean nothing to Sirius and quite frankly; _I couldn't care less!_ I thought I made that clear earlier?"I stand up, ignoring the confusion wrote on James' face and walk from the common room.

"Where are you going?" He calls after me.

"For a walk." I shout back barely away that Sirius is watching me intently.

"Want me to accompany you?" James shouts and I shut my eyes briefly before turning round.

"No." I carry on walking, ignoring the confused glances.

"Don't you need the you-know-what's?" I roll my eyes. Why can't he let me leave peacefully?

"No. I don't need anything or anyone!" I feel my temper rising.

I stalk around the castle, enjoying the darkness and the creeping shadows.

My senses are alert and aware, and I breathe peacefully, glad to be away from the warm stuffy common room, away from Sirius, away from his scent.

I climb to the top of the Astronomy tower and onto the roof.

I dangle my legs over the edge and put my face in my hands.

Why does life have to be so complicated?

Sirius loves me and I love him. So why can't we be together?

I know James will be talking to him now, telling him what I said. I know Sirius will come looking for me and part of me wants to be found.

Part of me never wants to leave his arms again.

But the rest of me just wants to be left alone and never speak to him again.

The rest of me understands.

"R - Remus?" I don't bother turning round.

"What Sirius?" He sits down besides me and shifts his hands nervously.

"I - I'm sorry." I know he's watching me but still I don't care.

"Okay Sirius." I know he wants me to respond to him, to reassure him but I find I cannot.

He stays silent and looks down at the ground below us. He shifts himself closer to me as if scared but I scoot away.

"Remus…" He says gently but still I refuse to look at him. "Remus please!"

I bite my lip and turn my head away. "I've said I'm sorry Remus! What more do you want?" I feel tears forming in my eyes but I blink them back; he sounds so genuine.

"What are you sorry for Padfoot? Pushing me away or accusing me of not caring for Mary?" My voice is icy and I feel his pain.

"Both." He says softly and lays a hand over my own.

I wrench my hand away. "Don't." I look up to the stars and wish for the thousandth time that I could see a full moon through my own eyes.

"Why not Remus? I thought this is what you wanted!" I know his eyes are searching me for any sign of emotion but still I refuse to look at him.

I bite my lip again. "Not any more." I whisper and his eyes widen and his heart beats faster.

"What?!" He yelps.

"Sirius, we, we can't _be _anything!" I run an agitated hand through my golden locks. "We - we don't fit together!"

"Does it really matter?" He asks irritated and I know he's growing angry.

"Yes. _Yes! _It does! It matters to me! I'm a werewolf and you're a pureblood!" I meet his eyes for the first time.

"I didn't think you were that shallow." he says coldly, turning away from me.

"I'm not Sirius! I just - I just think we're better of as friends." I hate myself for hurting him.

"Why? I _love _you Remus! Does that not mean anything to you?"

"We - we just aren't right for each other Sirius!" I stand up, ignoring his confession.

"Explain to me Remus. Explain why we aren't right for each other!" He stands up too.

"I don't want to get hurt. You hurt people Sirius! And I don't want to get hurt! I've spent too long meaning nothing to you and now - and now I don't want to mean to anything to you!" I laugh bitterly.

I turn to walk away but he grabs me and spins me round. He holds me tight and presses his lips against mine. I feel myself weakening, melting to his gentle caress.

Then I push him away as my mind kicks in.

"Can you honestly tell me that you feel nothing for me?" He exclaims, his voice cracking.

"No." I whisper sadly.

"Then why can't we?" He asks angrily.

"Because - because I don't trust myself with you! I don't want to get hurt anymore Padfoot and I want to walk away whilst I still have the choice!" I wrench myself from his grip.

He chuckles dryly. "You gave that choice up when you chose to kiss me!" I gulp and look away. I know he's right. "I love you a lot Remus, why can't you see that?" His voice is soft and gentle.

I choose to ignore him. "You can sense it, I know you can. So why won't you believe me?"

"I do believe you Padfoot. I never said I didn't!"

"You love Mary don't you?" I snort and meet his gaze again.

"No. The only person I've ever loved is you -"

He interrupts. "So why not Remus?"

"We're too different!" I snarl and turn away, bitter tears forming. "I love you Sirius, okay? I do, I love you! But guess what? It's too late! You have no idea what you've put me through these last two days! You only want me because you can't have me, because I'm a challenge! The minute you get me, you'll push me away and I don't want to get hurt anymore!"

I start to walk away, he stands there looking as though I've slapped him.

"Take a chance! Take a risk! Live a little!" He shouts at my retreating back.

"I already did and I got hurt!" I turn round to face him. "I took a chance and I got pushed away! I took a risk and I lost everything!"

I see the colour drain from his face.

"I've already -"

"You've already what!? Apologized? I don't care Sirius! Words mean nothing when the speaker lies!" I find myself yelling, my hands curled into tight balls.

"I didn't lie!" He shouts back.

"I'm a werewolf Sirius! I know when I'm being lied to!" I shut my eyes briefly to calm myself down.

"Why can't you just love me Remus?" He says it quietly and my breath hitches at his sadness.

"Don't you think you've hurt me enough? Without teasing me as well?" I start to walk towards him. "You're a player Sirius! A cold hearted player! I don't deserve that!"

"I'm s-" He goes to apologise but I don't want him to lie again.

"Save your breath. I want us to be friends Padfoot! Nothing more and nothing less!"

"Well _I _don't! I want to mean everything to you Remus!" His eyes are wild.

"No!" I say again, shaking my head firmly.

"Why not?" He asks for what feels like the thousandth time.

"I'm sick of being hurt!" I find myself shouting. "I've had to watch you with girl after girl after girl! I've had to comfort you when they broke up with you and I've had to put up with being just your friend for the past three years! I've had enough Sirius!"

I stand there breathing heavily. "I just want to be friends." I say again.

"I'm loosing you Remus." His voice is quiet.

"Yes. You are." I say simply, offering no reassurance.

"Why?" He smiles sadly, I snort; as if he doesn't know.

"Because you won't let me walk away."

"It hurts. It hurts to have you so close and yet not able to touch you."

"Tell me about it." I say bitterly. "But everything will become so complicated if we become something. I don't want to loose you either Padfoot." I need him to understand that I don't want to loose his friendship. "Why can't we just go back to how we were?"

"Because there's too much to forget."

"It was one kiss Sirius! One kiss!"

"Actually it was two." He says smiling.

I roll my eyes. "Two kisses. That's it. We should just go back to being friends and then - and then we can see how things go."

"… yeah" He hangs his head in defeat, but this angers me more.

"You give up too easily!" I find myself snarling at him.

His jaw tightens. "What the hell do you want from me Remus!? You don't want me to love you but you don't want me to agree with you! What do you want?" His voice is vicious and I draw myself to my full height.

"This is what I mean Sirius! If you really loved me you wouldn't stop fighting for me! You would keep going until you had me!"

He laughs sourly. "I aren't going to get you though, am I?! You've made that clear! So what's the point in fighting a loosing battle?"

"Well why not?"

"I'll just get hurt again and again when I could just give up now."

"Thank god the world doesn't think like you Sirius otherwise Voldemort would be in charge right now!"

He shakes his head and breathes out angrily. "At least I aren't playing mind games with you Remus!"

"I don't care anymore Sirius. I just don't care! You made your choice when you pushed me away and I made my choice when you stuck your tongue down that blondes throat." I go to push him but he catches my wrists and pulls me towards him.

"You surprised me! That's it!"

I snort and smirk at him. "You were so surprised you had to get a girlfriend? So surprised that you had to snog her at every opportunity?"

"I - I was in denial. I needed to sort myself out, clear my mind and it just took me a while to figure it all out!"

"I don't care anymore. I just don't care. I just want to be friends. We don't fit and I'm fine with that." My voice cracks and he knows it's killing me to do this.

"Well I'm not." He says stubbornly.

"Friends -" My voice wavers. "- or not?"

"Why deny yourself what you want? When you can have it?" He asks softly and his arms are slung around me.

"Friends?" I ask more sternly and push him away.

"Remus…"

"For gods sake Sirius! The answer is no!"

"But you want it -"

"Of course I do! But I need to be careful and I care more about protecting myself than getting what I want. Friends?" I ask with finality in my tone.

"… Friends." He finally says and I smile briefly before walking away, before turning my back on him, before I leave the past behind.

I walk away, dying inside, wanting him to call after me, to stop me.

But he doesn't.

And I carry on walking, wondering if I've done the right thing or if I've made the biggest mistake of my life.

And I carry on walking, walking away from what I want, away from what I could have.

And I carry on walking as friends.

Nothing more, nothing less.

That's what we are.

**

* * *

I've been through and corrected some of my mistakes :P Thanks for poiting them out guys!**

I know the ending is very depressing and quite repetetive but it just fits with my mood. I will write an alternate ending if you like,,, if three people say yes then I will :P

Also I've got to say after not reading it for several days and then reading just now I don't really like it, it isn't my best piece of work to say at the very least :P

Also, Can Anyone Spot The Cruel Intentions Quotes ?

Clue: Sirius says the first one and then Remus say's one (Practically) straight after him. 


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